2 notes

Lost: [Insert pun]

Impossible to look away (via)

I think ABC’s show Lost is ending tonight. Or maybe it’s the beginning of the end.

Have they gotten off (the island) yet?

(via)

Either way it’s good for #AMERICA! We can only wait to see what will come barging in to boring #AMERICA!’s living rooms next. Hopefully NPH.

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(via justjared, subvia @jordanaxt)

(via justjared, subvia @jordanaxt)

Warren Beatty.

Warren Beatty.

Why Invictus Sucked

I would write a really elaborate post actually describing the reasons, but I would rather list them so that I don’t actually have to craft paragraphs.

  1. It’s not “Remember the Titans.” All sports movies should either be like Denzel’s masterpiece or like “Air Bud.” They don’t focus enough on the disparity between blacks and whites to really get you emotionally involved and there are no golden retrievers — weak.
  2. Rolling your R’s doesn’t make you South African. Sorry, Morgan Freeman. You are awesome. But you sucked. You looked like Nelson Mandela, but I don’t know what was going on with your accent — yeah, no idea.
  3. Americans play FOOTBALL. What is this rugby bullshit? Also! Half of the movie you are watching reenactments of games -0 which is ridiculous — and the longest scene is against Samoa, which is a terrible team if you know anything about rugby, which you probably don’t.
  4. The sound effects in the scrum made me want to vomit.
  5. There is not enough about “Apartheid.” District 9 was better

Morgan Freeman and Matty D: it was a nice try. I don’t know why you were nominated for Golden Globes. I guess you don’t have to do anything worthwhile to win awards anymore.

BRUCE WILLIS IS AMERICA…. LOIS LANE [NOT SO MUCH]

(via zippyfish.files.wordpress.com)

Welcome Blogosphere!

I hope you all are well today! I am splendid, perhaps you are drinking! Well, I have two pieces of news that might help you as an AMERICAN.  1 : John McClain is America. He gets kicked in the face by China, fights Germans, skullfucks anyone who doesn’t love freedom. Suck up your thong-line, you’re about to get fucked. Yippie Kie Yay motherfucker!

Lois lane is a fucking cunnnnnntttttttttttttttttttt. With 20 ‘t’s. Seriously- Clark Kent, he’s just bro-ing his shit. Workin’ Monday to Monday, Maybs, sip a lil sip sip. He just wants to go home at 5, fuck some woman 5-7 times more attractive than him, then pass out with the smell of bourbon on his breath. But WHO DOESN’T? He is AMERICA, and yet Lois Lane DOESN’T HAVE INTERCOURSE WITH HIM.

“But ##, why doesn’t she?” Well reader, I’m glad you asked. Because she knows C.K. doesn’t pull down 600k+ a year— she’s only interested in super ultra nuclear deterrents (and AMERICA)…. and MONEY. Surprise you ass-hat. John Mclain has turned down millions, no, BILLIONS in money in order to  protect AMERICA. He’s been shot, punched, kicked, dragged, and bedraggled by myopic opponents of AMERICA, in the pursuit of FREEDOM.

So what am I getting at here? Again, glad you asked. Simply put, John McClain is everything Badass about AMERICA. Fighting and drinking and being old and grizzled; he frowns at everyone and then stabs people with icicles. Seriously, he DID THAT. TWICE. But really, everyone is all superior and shit with their “technology” and John McLain is a MAN.

(via unrealitymag.com)

[BLANK] OF THE DAY: Shockwave Flash Tribute to AMERICA! of the Day: Journey’s “Don't Stop Believin’” »

If the tribute doesn’t have you convinced, take the following YouTube clip as further proof.

Time for an exercise in logic. Diners are America. Jukeboxes are America. Boy scouts are America. Birth control is America. Onion rings are America (and best in the state — states are America). Not knowing how to paralell park is America. Drinking Coke through a straw is America. Entry-level jobs are America. Sarcasm is America. Going to the bathroom to get a gun is America. Ordering some for the table is America. And what song is playing throughout all this: Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’.”

Journey is America.

"

Because of their influence on recruits, the recruiting hostesses have become popular with Tennessee fans. Bryce Brown, the country’s top running back recruit last year, who is a freshman at Tennessee, was pictured on a social networking site last year with a hostess. Other Tennessee hostesses have publicly conversed with prospects through Facebook and MySpace.

Some recruits say their influence is significant.

“You don’t want to go to a college where they ain’t pretty,” Lattimore said.

"

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The New York Times, ever the beacon for objective journalism, takes understatement to the next level.

Also? All hail Marcus Lattimore! Come blog for us. We like her, and we like her, too.