The ##

Dear CNN,

I have read your article on “raging” and “hooking up,” and I have some questions and general comments for you. Per an assignment from my editor, I was told to quote the article’s most outrageous statements. I ended up using about 80 percent of it.

Almost every weekend, there is a tradition called raging at Vanderbilt University

What is a “tradition”? I see “raging” — or, as we like to call it at my institution of much higher learning than Vandy, “causally blacking out” — as more of a hobby. Can traditions happen on most days that end in y? 

In Kelly Clarkson’s song “I Don’t Hook Up,” [Ed. note: sic] she addresses the dominant hook-up culture: “I do not hook up, up I go slow, so if you want me I don’t come cheap.

Way to cite the biggest cock block of a song ever. Very original. 

The term “hook up” is ambiguous, usually defined as a no-commitment, physical encounter with a stranger or acquaintance. Hooking up can range from just a make-out session all the way to sex. Other lingo for the no-commitment sexual encounters are “booty calls” or “friends with benefits.”

I like your use of quotes, although I believe you cannot actually group “booty calls” with “friends with benefits” with general “hook ups”. Totally different. You don’t need to be friends with a booty call — but you need to know their name, which is totally not the case with a hook up. Way to do the “research.”

Boyle explained the warm weather compels some students to engage in “day fratting,” imbibing for hours in the front yard of a fraternity. Day fratting can result in “afternoon delight,” noncommittal physical activity between two people that can include casual sex.

Warm weather? Day Fratting? Afternoon Delight? Noncommittal physical activity? Casual Sex? Sounds like my kind of weekend. 

“I’m respecting myself,” Boyle said confidently one sunny morning before class. “And I won’t waste my time with some guy who doesn’t care about me.”

Girls who respect themselves? Is this made up, CNN? Totally not inviting this broad to my party. 

Respectfully yours, 

Kid Sister

(via nydailynews.com)

Kid Sister’s second lesson on getting girls.

You are drunk. You walk into the bar - your nose is immediately filled with the smell of cheap vodka and your eyes sting from the smoke. The time is right. You approach the dance floor and the ladies are looking hot, or at least drunk/desperate. Time to get your swerve on. You start grinding on some chick and you like it. You want to take this to the next level. But what do you do?

This past weekend - among a million other weekends - I watched dudes fail at hooking up with girls on the dance floor - or the D-floor make out, if you will. Let’s walk through this. You find a girl, you start dancing. You slowly turn her around (if thats the kind of dancing you do- slut) and make eye contact. This is “the moment.” You gaze into each others eyes and realize you don’t even know each others names. This doesn’t matter. But at this moment you know each other. You know everything about each other. Oh man, the L-word. This isn’t love, it’s lust. Maybe the most important L word of all.

Key points:

• the D-floor hookup is always initiated by the guy - always.
• EYE CONTACT. Once this happens, game over.

That’s all you need. I don’t know how many times I have seen people fuck up this easy maneuver. It’s all about the eye contact. If you try an do anything before that- you should probably just give up now.

Lesson 2 Complete. Good Luck.

(Lesson 1, if you missed it)

##’s Kid Sister here. Finally away from all the boys at the ##! I have spent the morning watching girl movies and eating chocolate - and apparently reading Esquire. Christmas is just around the corner - so you are going to need to find something to get that “special” lady. Esquire has provided a list of great options if you have no idea what to get her. Not even kidding, buy me all of these things! (especially the Christian Louboutin heels). They will get you laid, promise.

OK sixteen candles is on. see ya later.

(via youtube)

Hi!! ##’s Kid Sister here, welcoming you to Lesson 1 of How To Get Girls.

You bring a “shawty” to a party. Totally pumped because you think you are going to get some. And she looks GOOD. You introduce her to your bros and start high fiving each other when she’s not looking because you think action with this broad is inevitable.

The music is bumping but your date is just standing there. You try and initiate dancing but she wants nothing to do with it. What the fuck? She stands there acting as if this party is below her, sipping on her cheap beer like she wants to savor it. Maybe if you make her a mixed drink? Get real. The rate this is going you’ll be sleeping solo-no-copilot.

This church girl act has to be a front, right? She shouldn’t have dressed like that if all she wanted to do was watch the party, right? Don’t worry bro, it will all be under control soon. Approach the iPod playing whatever rap music you think makes you have street cred. Once at said iPod — change the music to “songs that make girls dance.” Immediately your girl will find another girl in the room and they’ll start dancing — and drinking. There is a ridiculous correlation between dancing and drinking with chicks. The more they dance, the more they drink and the more likely you are not sleeping alone tonight. It’s science.

But what is this mythical playlist that is getting you laid tonight?

The formation of this playlist is not as easy as one might think. You CAN’T just pick songs that girls like. That could totally fuck up the plan. Here are the Dos and Don’ts of songs that girls dance to:

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